Hey you. Yeah you. FUCK YOU.

Now, I will list off a bunch of people that need to get castrated with a weed whacker.

Tony - You aren't funny. You're fucking annoying. Just because you're always high and sound like Ray Romano on helium doesn't mean everything you say is comedy gold. And you assholes and cunts who encourage him by laughing, you're just making it worse.

Brian - Explain to me why people flock to you and act like you're a celebrity. Go on, I'll wait. ...Nothing? That's what I thought, asshole. You had minor surgery and then treated it like you have fucking cancer. Yeah, I know I'm basically speaking blasphemy by saying bad things about almighty Brian. Please forgive me my prince. Then go fuck yourself.

Other Brian - I haven't seen you around in a long time. Good. I hope you're dead.

A.S. - Stop encouraging Tony. You're just as bad as he is.

Mark - If I say something funny, it loses all its humor when you repeat it verbatim 3 seconds later. If you can't get attention that way, here's a good way to get some. Kill yourself.

Derek - If you don't want to be seen as a douchebag, stop acting and dressing like a douchebag. You're a brainless jock, your girlfriend's a slut, and nobody actually likes you.

Shaun - Your brother sucks at playing bass. He can't read music and refuses to learn anything new unless he writes it himself. If not for him, I'd have written tons more songs for the band. But I have to dumb down everything I write just so he can handle it. Stop defending him. If anything, you should slap the bitch until he learns how to do something useful. Also, you're a drummer. You don't know shit about music theory. So stop pretending you're always right in arguments about music.

Guy who just ran by like a retarded monkey - Take off your fedora. No, you're not cool for wearing it. Every hipster on the planet wears one. You're not being original. You don't stand out. Stop looking around at everyone you prance by expecting a reaction.

Other Tony - You're not witty. You're just as annoying as Tony 1. Mindlessly quoting everything you see on the internet does not comedy make. And stop trying to make your own catchphrase. Yelling "yeah!" in the most annoying way possible is as much a catchphrase as Rebecca Black is a singer.

You fucking religious people - You're not going to convert anyone. Nobody wants to hear on Facebook how god helped you find your socks that morning. If god really was all loving, powerful, and merciful, he'd have shut you nut jobs up long ago. Just shut up and go chant by yourself. Plus your music is ruining good music everywhere. There's already separation of church and state. Now I think we should have separation of church and music.

Brent - You're the reason why being "famous" pretty much doesn't mean anything anymore. You're obnoxious, pretentious, and untalented (which pretty much makes you 100% qualified to be popular these days). Your fans are possibly even worse, quoting your unfunny drivel mindlessly in hope to be seen as funny by other mindless idiots. People like you are making actual talent less and less relevant.

Anyone who posts song lyrics as your status on Facebook - Fuck you. You know why. You're not deep. You're an attention whore. I'm an attention whore, but at least I'm open about it. I don't mask it with a status saying something about pain, love, and how I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter.